Ranting

Yes this will just be me ranting about various things.

I will start off with the fact that I have been since 3:30 this morning. My alarm isn’t set to go off until 6.I did not wake my other half partially because he constantly complains about waking up early. So as of today I have concluded not to wake him anymore. If there is something I need to tell him or remind him of. I will write it on an index card and hope that he read it.

My children are 3 and 10 years of age and they still feel the need to come get in my bed from time to time. My son shortly after about midnight woke up and invaded my space by squeezing his little body in between myself and Alex. Once he got himself settled in and back to sleep here comes my daughter. She standing over the bed trying to determine where she can squeeze in. At this point I woke my son up and told them both to go get in their on bed. Finally I get back to sleep just to wake a couple hours later. FML, right. I did not turn on the tv because that always wakes Alex up so trying to be nice and not fuck up everyone else’s sleep. I thought of turning on the light but again that would’ve woken Alex. I don’t like waking him up because he is truly cranky. So I ended up just sitting up in the dark reading old facebook post off my phone.

I am sooo tired but I made it to work… Me being tired is often confused with me having an attitude. Hopefully no one gets that misconception. I am just extremely tired. And it seems this waking up in the middle of the night thing is going to become a norm. I’ve woken up damn near every night this week. I just want a complete nights rest and wake up refresh. Seems I only get that when I get fucked real good (not to say that there is ever a bad fuck. My fiance’ is excellent in bed. The best I’ve ever had)… Maybe I should get prescribed some sleep med’s…idk… But something has to give.

Bills Bills Bills.. Seems every time I think I am ahead another bill pop out of no where. I believe everything is down to a zero balance but idk anymore… I know I no longer have past due balances with any utility companies. Amen to that! I mean they found bills I owed from 2004. I had forgotten all about those bills. As that was when I was with my childrens’ father. Boy, the debt I occurred while being with him… Let’s just say I could’ve purchased a small island. Thankfully though GOD’s grace all that is paid off except for my Capitol One card. I’ll get to that later tho….
Right now between the current bills, school shopping and purchases for my wedding next month my dollar is stretched so thin it’s barely visible.  Yet, my daughter wants to ask me for something new every single day. No days off…

I am still  dealing with my son’s injuries. He may not be able to use his left hand. The healing is going great but the physical therapy isn’t. He won’t move his fingers or wrist. And yes that has caused me some stained. I  can’t but to just wish it was me instead of him that had to go thru the traumatic event that caused this. Then to find out that the son of bitch that did this to him is out and free. Living in a rehab house. Like really. Fuck a kid up and get no time but sell a bag of weed and you serving years… GTFOH! We have a real fuck up legal system. I have absolutely no faith in our judicial system. However I do have faith in my GOD and I know that I do not have to seek revenge on my own because in his plans justice will be served.

So about me getting married next month…. The funniest thing I realized is my wedding is almost how I dreamed it would be when I was a child. As a child I had imagined that my big brother Patrick would be the one to give me away. My little brother would be the best man and my little sister the maid of honor. Well, Patrick looks like he will still be walking me down the aisle. My daughter will substitute my sister and be my maid of honor. My sister is still in prison. My little brother will be the best man because my fiance’ best friend has to turn himself in. My dad and step dad are both incarcerated. My son and nephew will be the ring bearers. That is my compete wedding party. Oh yeah my mom will be there of course. I have never thought of her not being there. It sucks that neither my father or step father will be there nor my sister. I wish I could’ve shared this with them but truthfully now that I am older I would’ve been satisfied with going to the courthouse and not telling a soul about my doings. Idk the idea of marriage isn’t the same as when I was younger. Now a days people are only getting married for the title. Having a huge display  in front of family and friends just to say they did it. Then turn around and get divorced within months of the marriage. I don’t plan to be married for the title. I plan to marry for the bond. the commitment. The eternal love understanding and compromise. I cherish having that one person that don’t understand everything about me but willing to try. I  cherish having someone to fight for and with. idk call me sappy.. Hopeless romantic.

I hope this day go by quickly as I just want to lay around and do nothing. I am TIRED.

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